The Trouble With Icecream
by jinxedklutz
Summary: Daniel fears that Jack will keep him from his icecream... Silliness on my part. pls read and review
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** _5/25/2007_: I was reading this over again, which I sometimes do for fun, and realized that it's a bit of a spoof!fic. laughs So, you are advised to not take it too seriously.

- - -**  
**

**"The Trouble With Icecream"**

**P****art 1: **

It was an addiction.

Daniel had discovered a new drug, and its name was cappucino icecream. He woke up in the morning, craving it. He woke up at night and wandered into the kitchen, only to return with a bowl of it in hand. And then when his stomach ached from too much caffeine, he wondered why.

Sometimes, people didn't realize they had a problem until it was too late.

He was just leaving the SGC when his stomach started to growl amusingly. Unfortunately, Jack O'Neill happened to be riding shotgun with him.

"Was that... your _stomach_, Daniel?" the General wondered, humorously.

Daniel blushed and shrugged. "Guess I forgot to eat lunch again," he mumbled as explanation, his mind already straying to that pint of icecream at home in his freezer.

He couldn't wait-- "Ahem, I asked, 'Did you want to get something to eat on our way'? My treat," Jack repeated. Daniel must've been zoning out when he asked it the first time. Wait a second...

"Uhm," he hedged, not sure how to say "no" without coming out like he was blowing his friend off... for icecream. "I'm kind of pooped actually. I'll just get a snack before going to bed," he half-lied. He _would_ be getting a snack--it just wouldn't be a _healthy_ one.

"Great, mind if I stop in, then?" Jack invited himself. Daniel refrained from groaning. There was _no way_ he was letting Jack get his hands on that pint of icecream. No way.

"Maybe next time, I have a headache too... I just want to get home as soon as possible, and not have to worry about taking you home later. Is that okay?" Yeesh, he hoped he didn't sound as rude as he thought he did.

Jack was giving him a speculative look when Daniel glanced at him furtively to gauge what he might be thinking. What was that look for? "No problem, why don't you come over _my_ place then? You can have that snack with me and crash on my sofa."

No, no, no, no, no! Why was he doing this? Couldn't he see that all Daniel wanted was the creamy, coffee flavor of cappucino flavored, cold, craving-satisfying icecream?

Daniel's fingers tightened on the steering wheel, convulsively, as he bit back a sharp retort. There was no way Jack was going to keep him from his beloved icecream. "Maybe some other night," he said, sounding rather forced.

"Do you have a lover, Daniel?"

Daniel coughed spasmodically, and Jack wondered, "You okay?"

"Y-Yes," Daniel got out around his coughs. "I _don't_ have a lover!"

"Ok-aay," Jack replied, with open disbelief, "Then why are you so adamant about me not coming over?"

"I-I'm _not_," Daniel retorted, rather too sharply to give his words credibility.

"Uh-hu_-uh_," Jack claimed in a sing-song tone. He was having way too much fun for Daniel's comfort. Shoot... How was he going to get himself out of _this_ one?

"So? Why do _you_ want to spend time with me so badly?" Daniel threw back at his friend in desperation. All this over a little, pint of icecream.

Jack took a moment; Daniel had to give him credit for not spluttering. After the moment of thought was over, he drew a breath and asked, "Why won't you let me come over?" A pause, and then he questioned, sadly, plaintively, "Don't you love me, Daniel?"

Daniel cleared his throat.

After a beat, he relented, "I'll go over to your house."

- - -

**A/N**: I intend to finish this, but I feel like a need a little motivation. So I'm posting it before it's complete.  



	2. Chapter 2

**"The Trouble With Icecream"**

**Part 2:**

The reason he'd finally given in was simple: he was going to lull Jack to sleep with beers and then sneak away to have his icecream. That was the plan, anyway.

But plans, like icecream (delightful, cappuccino-flavored icecream), tended to melt away in the heat.

As soon as they got inside Jack's little "cave," the general whipped out a DVD and said, grinning, "I rented this, but I haven't watched it yet. Feel like a movie, Daniel?"

Daniel appraised the DVD in question, expression deadpan. "_That_ one?"

Jack turned the DVD's cover around to face him, looking at it as if searching for a secret flaw. "What's wrong with **The** **Mighty Ducks**?"

Daniel groaned. He knew Jack liked hockey, but wasn't this taking it a little far? Besides that, the only ice Daniel wanted to have anything to do with, at the moment, was the kind ending in cr--

"Hel_-lo-o_, Daniel!" Jack said, waving his free hand in front of the archeologist's face, annoyingly. "You're getting that vacant, fly-catching look again."

Daniel batted his friend's hand away. "I _told_ you, 'I'm tired.'"

"Uh, huh," Jack said, giving Daniel a suspicious frown.

Daniel frowned back. "Well, are we going to watch it, or not?"

- - -

Who knows how many beers, and about two hours later, the two men stood in the middle of the General's hall.

The reason? **The Mighty Ducks.** The intent? House-hockey.

They were geared up like a couple of street-hockey players, except that their puck was an old cell-phone (Jack's). The hockey sticks were a bit more conventional, only, one of them was bandaged up with duct-tape... Daniel wondered how it'd gotten broken.

A second or two later, he was wondering how he'd ended up flat on his back.

"Daniel!" Jack came running. "Daniel?" He crouched next to Daniel and propped up his head on his lap. "Are you okay?"

Daniel put a hand to his throbbing forehead. "Wha'... What _happened_?"

Jack snickered drunkenly, then composed himself. "You passed the puck to me, and then I passed it back to you... and... ca-pow." He giggled again.

"Quit laughing!" Daniel protested, hurt. He pushed off, sitting up and clutching his head in both hands.

"I can't h-help it," Jack spluttered, "You should've seen yourself... a-and... J-Just go look!"

Daniel, curiosity peeked, got to his feet, despite a flashing of stars in his vision. He hobbled over to the mirror in the bathroom and took a look. 'Oh, Lord...'

He had the outline of an outdated cellphone smack dab in the middle of his forehead. And he was going to have to go to work like this!

All this over...over... crap. He was never going to get home like this, concussed, inebriated... That meant he had to say goodbye to any chances of icecream _this_ night.

"Hey, Daniel," Jack said, coming up to the doorway. Daniel glowered at him to show he was listening. "Can you hear me now?" The poker face Jack was sporting didn't last long as he dissolved into a fit of hysterics.

Daniel shoved past him and into the hallway, through the hallway and into the living room. "Hey, Daniel!" Jack called after him, running to catch up. "Where're you going?"

"To sleep!" Daniel shouted back, in full-blown sulk-mode.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Jack wondered, curiously serious now.

Daniel froze midway to lying down on the couch. "Why?" he wondered, ever-so-cautiously.

Jack shrugged, all nonchalance and cloak and daggers of a sudden. "Oh, I don'no... Maybe 'cause there's somethin' in the kitchen that you should see."

Daniel scowled, sitting up completely. "What are you talking about, Jack?"

He followed the secretive man to his kitchen, where Jack turned his back to Daniel and opened the freezer. Daniel's heart began to pound as a strange suspicion formed itself in his tired, drunk, slightly bruised brain.

Jack turned around, a huge grin on his face, and a pint of icecream in each hand. "For you, Daniel."

The one he held out to an awe-struck Daniel was cappucino-flavored. "H-How did you know?" Daniel questioned, heavily taking a seat.

Jack smiled a bit smugly, if Daniel read him correctly, and took a seat facing Daniel. "That's for me to know--"

"You _knew_," Daniel registered, all of a sudden, getting up at the same time to find a spoon. "And you drug it out on purpose just to get to me, didn't you?" He turned an accusatorial glare on his conniving friend.

Jack grew an innocent look. "Not I..."

Daniel narrowed his eyes. "Yes, _you_."

Jack smiled guilessly and shook his head. "Will you get me a spoon, Daniel?"

- - -

**A/N**: It's just soooo wrong, but it just felt sooo right. Hope ya'll enjoyed. Please review! -jinxed

P.S.: Thanks for the reviews everyone! very motivational. ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews everyone! And I hope you enjoy the conclusion. **Deamon Fire**, Thank you for the idea, and I hope you don't mind me changing it up a bit. --_jinxed_**  
**

**The Trouble With Icecream**

**Part 3:**

Daniel wasn't sure what he was going to do about work, he just knew what he was going to do about Jack. He had a Jaffa-like cell phone tattoo on his forehead, a major hangover and/or concussion, and there was no way around the fact that even his adored cappucino icecream didn't make up for any of it.

He didn't know what he was going to tell Sam, and Teal'c, he just knew he was going to get back at Jack for all the torment. And he was going to enjoy doing it immensely.

- - -

"Here's the deal, Sam," he explained to the astrophysicist, genius babe that Samantha "Sammy" Carter was, "We were drunk, and it's all Jack's fault, anyway."

"It does remind me of a Jaffa symbol, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, and Daniel could almost swear he was joking. So he narrowed his eyes at him for a moment.

Sam took a spoonful of her blue jello. She was smiling as she savored the bite, and Daniel wondered what it was about that particular flavor that she liked so much. Then again... he was into cappucino. "So, all this was over..." She raised a brow. "...icecream?"

"Don't laugh," he warned her, but sighed in defeat right afterward.

She continued to smile but shook her head. "I'm assuming you're going to get him back for this?"

Daniel paused. Why was he surprised that she'd guessed? "You know what they say about assuming," he began, but she gave him a knowing look that had him backtracking. "Okay, yeah... Do you have any ideas? And... more importantly, are you going to snitch?"

Sam feigned an affronted look. "Snitch? _Me_? I would _never--_"

It was Daniel's turn to give her an "I can see right through you" stare. She grinned and replied, "It depends on what I get out of it."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow at that. "I would never have expected such dishonorable behavior from the both of you."

Daniel blinked, and Sam burst out laughing.

- - -

Jack was just getting home from work when his cell phone rang. He flipped it open, checking the caller ID and thought about shutting it again. Instead he pushed the **SEND** button. "Hello, _Dan-iel_."

"Jack, I'm going to need you to come over to my place right away." He sounded distressed.

"Why, what's wrong?" Jack questioned, switching gears from tired and annoyed to concerned and worried.

"I don't want to tell you on the phone," came Daniel's rapid and nervous reply, "You'll understand when you get here."

"Daniel, just tell me what's going on," Jack said, with some exasperation.

"Just come over," Daniel repeated his urgent request.

"Daniel, wai--" He'd hung up.

Oh, for crying out loud...

- - -

When Jack got to the house, he parked and went in without bothering to lock up his truck. Daniel met him in the doorway, saying hurriedly, "You know how you always tell me not to touch alien objects when I don't know what they are and even when I do know what they are?"

Jack followed him to the living room, nodding. Daniel continued, "Well, _I_ didn't..."

"Why do you say it like that?" Jack wondered, suspiciously, glancing around the living room, his hands tucked safely in his jeans.

"Because Sam _did_," Daniel explained with chagrine.

Just then, the blond astrophysicist came running, yes, _running_ into the room. "Uncle Dan-_i_-el!" Throwing her arms around Daniel and squealing with delight, she waved an object in his face, "Look, Uncle Daniel! I found it in d'ere!" She waved her arm toward the other room, exciteably and vaguely.

Daniel cleared his throat uncomfortably and took the object she was proferring to him. "What is it?" he wondered rhetorically, looking at the small statue.

"It's a naked lady," Carter said proudly, poking the wooden native in her bosom.

"Daniel," Jack said warningly, turning bright red starting with his ears. "What did she _touch_?"

Daniel shook his head, almost sadly. "I don't know... But she came over here about an hour ago, and ten minutes later, she was behaving like a three-year-old... literally." He sighed, "She mentioned something about a device she'd been studying in her lab. It must have been what caused this. Maybe the _effects_ will wear off after awhile."

Jack noticed Carter staring at him with huge blue eyes, and suddenly she yelled, "Uncle Jack!" And then she flung her arms around him in a huge, whole-hearted hug.

"_Gah!_ What is she doing?" Jack exclaimed, trying to peel her off of him.

"She's just being affectionate," came Daniel's dry response over the delighted screaming.

"Well, tell her to stop!" Jack yelled desperately.

Sam backed away from him, suddenly, looking stricken. Uh, oh... She burst into tears, and Jack half-reached out to her and stepped farther away simultaneously. "Oh, for crying out loud, now what?" he demanded.

Daniel's lower lip stuck itself out, and, for a troubling moment, Jack thought he was going to throw a tantrum as well. "You hurt her feelings."

"_How_?" He was truly clueless.

"She thinks you don't like her because you told her to stop hugging you," Daniel explained, looking tolerant.

Jack tried to defend himself, "I told _you_, not _her_!" It didn't come out right.

"Tell her you're sorry, Jack," Daniel instructed him, patiently.

"I will no--" Jack started, but Carter's wailing became louder. "Aw, come on! Carter... Sammy, please don't cry." She sniffled and hiccuped. It was a start. "Hey..." He pleaded, then chucked his tough-guy image and wrapped his arms around her. "Shh... I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it."

"_Really_?" she wondered, suddenly sounding very adult. "Are you going to apologize to Daniel now, too?" She laughed silently, and he went still and slowly lowered his arms. He had this sudden feeling that he'd been had.

Carter stepped away from him, grinning like the mischievous brat she'd been acting like. "Jokes on you, sir," she told him smugly.

"Daniel," Jack growled, going red in the face all over again. When he turned on Daniel though, the archeologist was setting his statue casually down on a nearby end-table.

Jack glared at him until he looked up, eyebrows going up expressively. He was still giving Jack "the lip", but his eyes were sparkling peculiarly. "Hmmm?"

"I'm gonna--" Jack threatened.

Daniel cut him off, "What, Jack?" He tilted his head, pretending curiousity. "Apologize, maybe?"

Jack tried to ignore the faint, smothered giggle coming from Carter's position off to his left. Humbly, he mumbled, "Sorry..."

Daniel raised his eyebrows again. "What was that? I didn't quite hea--"

"I'm sorry, Daniel!" Jack snapped.

Daniel grinned cheekily, and Jack decided he was never going to come between an archeologist and his icecream ever again.

The End.


End file.
